The Deep End

 

It’s been awhile since my fingers have felt the smooth touch of a keyboard.

I missed it.

I missed the way the keyboard felt when I typed. I missed that blinking cursor and that damned writer’s block.

I missed writing.

Well, I’m back. And I’m not going anywhere.

This summer has been an interesting one to say the least. Once I walked out of the doors of Mercy College, my life has been what one would call “weird.”

All the friends I have made here are somewhere else. Even though two are still in New York, it’s not a five-minute walk that I can take. It’s about a 45-minute drive for both, plus all those tolls.

Go ahead, just take my money, New York.

And all those other friends, and by all I mean two, are in different states.

It’s hard not to see any of them every day, or at least every week. All of these “goodbye’s” made this summer even more challenging.

This summer was all about finding myself, and learning who I am. Let me tell you what I found out.

I’m Weronika, a 22-year-old college graduate, who is still learning about herself, and the ropes of life.

It’s not easy being thrown into the deep end of life. It’s difficult. All your life, you’re told, your grades are everything. That if you don’t do well in school, you won’t get anywhere in life. Which to some degree is true, but there are a few loopholes.

*Go to school kids, stay in school.*

In life, you will get doors slammed in your face, numerous times. After a while, it starts to take a toll on you. Take me for example; I’ve always tried to be the positive one in my group of friends, saying,

“It will all work out,” or “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine, you’ll get there.”

After all those slammed doors, my positivity turned into negativity. It was these moments where I wish I could just drive up to campus, sit in the lab for a bit with my friends and laugh that pain away.

But instead, I had to keep that search for a job going, and not be anywhere near my best friends. Since then, I miss it all. I miss being able to take my mind off life with the people I love.

This is the time of my life when I wish there were right by my side in that Impact Lab, our home away from home.

I miss my friends; I miss the laughs, the hugs, and the occasional cries. It started toward the end of April, and beginning of May. Graduation was approaching. Approaching fast.

None of us liked that feeling, so we just didn’t speak a word of it. We pretended that it wasn’t happening.

Before we knew it, it was the last day of our senior year. It was also the day of the Baccalaureate ceremony for the seniors. Once that finished, we walked back up to Victory Hall, entered the code to the lab for the last time, and I sat in which was my seat for three years, for the last time.

The second my butt hit the chair, I took a deep breath and tears flooded the room. It was the last time we would all be in that lab together. We sat in the lab for an about an hour in silence. Memories flooding back, tears streaming from our faces. Once we gathered ourselves, we took one last look at our home away from home, and said our final goodbye.

We hugged it out in the parking lot, which also had a lot of memories, and simply said “see you later.” I got in my car, turned on the radio and heard the lyric,

“Where do you go now?” which was pretty ironic, since we always said,

“Where do you go when the world hurts so much? The Impact Lab.”

Of course I lost it, because in that moment, I had no idea where I would go next.

***

Once the first Thursday of the school semester started, I got a text that day.

“It’s Thursday, we should be in the lab, getting ready for the Impact.”

Of course I thought the same thing.

It’s hard to move on from something that you felt so comfortable with. But sadly that’s a part of life. You get comfortable, and then that comfort ends, you have to move on.

It’s something that I’m still learning, and trying to get a grasp on.

It’s not easy though. I’ve been on countless interviews since June, and it’s been one closed door after the other. But I have to keep my head held high, and keep moving forward. Of course it helps that I have the greatest friends out there.

Every now and then, I’ll get a random text with some kind of joke, or something inspirational. And I love that.

We all may be going through something, but we know we still have each other even if we aren’t anywhere near each other.

It’s all those memories that help us move along with this crazy journey we call life. I know that the memories I’ve made have helped me move forward.

So if there is one thing I’ve learned, and still learning is to live in the moment. Enjoy all those moments while they last.

Summer may be over, but now starts another chapter in my life that will let me learn what this thing called “life” is all about.

It’s time to swim in the deep end, kids. Even if it means holding your breath for a little bit.

As for figuring out who I am, that’s going to take a while. But until that happens, I’m going to make new memories, relive some old ones, and live life to the fullest.

And along the way, I may just write about it.