The Ultimate Fine Line

The Ultimate Fine Line. 

Love. What is that? How I even begin to know what it means? 

Is it just something I feel? Something I can touch. 

Is it a mood? Is it something I just made up? 

What is it? It’s different for everyone. 

I don’t know. 

What I do know? I feel something when I see him. 

When he does what he loves, it fills me with the warm and fuzzies. 

I feel butterflies flying around in my stomach. 

But is that love? Or is that just what he does to me? 

He isn’t accessible to me, or anyone really. It’s like he’s not real. 

Even though he is very much real. 

How do I know what I’m feeling is love? 

How do I know it’s not just this weird feeling in my stomach? 

I talk about him as if I knew him. But I don’t. Not really. 

What do I know about him? Only things that he writes. 

Not much else. But why do I feel such a strong connection to him? 

Is that all it is? A connection? Or can it be more? 

Will it ever be more? 

It probably won’t be. 

He doesn’t even know I exist. Why would he. 

I’m just a small spectacle in his insane universe. 

I try to reach out, but always pull away. 

Why do I put myself in this situation? Why do I do this? 

Is it to protect myself? 

Is it just easier living in a fantasy? 

Or is it because I’m crazy? 

Crazy to think this could ever work. 

He makes me feel all sorts of things. But is it really love? 

Or is it just something I made up in my mind. 

But how do I explain these butterflies. 
What do these butterflies mean? 

Is it a sign that we knew each other? In a past life maybe? 

Who knows? All I know is that I put in my all. 

I would do anything for him. 

I’m willing to put my entire heart on the line. 

Even if that means I’ll be crushed in the end.

I hold out hope that one day he’ll notice me. 

I try to put it out into the universe so maybe,

just maybe one day he will see me. Notice me.

As I’ve noticed him. 

But that day may never come. He may never notice me.

How is it that I can “love” someone so much? 

Someone that has no idea I even exist. 

Is it love though? 

Or is it just my body reacting to the way he moves his own body? 

I don’t know. Maybe I’m in over my head.

Maybe everyone’s right. I need to stop.

Get over it, get out of my own world,

The world that seems to only exist in my mind.

People say I’m just too emotional. That what I’m feeling isn’t real. 

It seems pretty real to me. I’ve cried. I’ve laughed. 

I’ve felt my heart break. As if it were all real. 

But is it real? Or am I just crazy? 

Maybe that’s what “love” is. 

Maybe love is something I feel.

Something I can touch. A mood.

Something I just made up. 

Maybe it’s just another word.

But it could also be as real as any living human.

Maybe one day I’ll know. 

For now, I’ll just live in my own world.

I’ll just sit in this feeling.

My own little paradise.